In today’s session , we were asked to think about who our characters are talking to in terms of audience. It could be either we discussing who we want our characters to talk to or us speaking from the characters perspective. I decided to go with the latter because I feel that my character is quite philosophical with his own life. For example he asks himself these constant questions about his life with no answers to boot. Or does he have answers and he’s only being a deceptive person? I wrote a short monologue that conveys an overall sense of both awareness and unawareness of who it is he is actually talking to? Is it an audience? A loved one? Or himself? I let the ambiguity take form:

Who on earth am I talking to? I haven’t the foggiest. I could be talking to myself. I could be talking to my family. Or better yet, I could be talking directly to you. Yeah that’s right, you. You the people. You the company. My company. I need the company. So you’re my company. Company; that word comes in many different forms. One could argue that the word ‘company’ stems from loneliness. Am I a lonely person? Not necessarily. Does one feel that he is lonely? I don’t think so. Unless of course you’re going on about those pesky members of an audience. Well, maybe they are audience members. But then again, are they really and truly audience members or just eager observers just dying to hear a story being told? Am I really talking to people or am I just looking at my own reflection? Are the ‘people’ really just itty bitty fragments of my own imagination? I wouldn’t know. It’s quite intriguing to figure out who I really talk to. They say the first sign of madness is talking to yourself. Well, I could possibly fit into that category. But then again, maybe not. Maybe Im lying to myself. Or even better, I may be lying to you. If ‘you’ even exists.

Hello there. How’s it going? Are you comfortable? Are you chilled? Are you relaxed? Good, because you are about to see something that isn’t within normal parameters. You know, not what it seems? Beyond reality. Beyond the limit. Everyone has memories. This is normal. Everyone has dreams. This is normal. Everyone has nightmares. This is normal. Everyone can sometimes see things that are unexplained. Is that normal. Possibly. Potentially. Everyone has a switch in their head that can instantly be flicked when something inexplicable happens. Is this normal? I don’t know. Do you? Look closely because one look and it wont be there anymore. Just like magic. Its gone. Vanished. No, this isn’t a show where the rabbit get pulled out of a hat. This is the kind of show where that rabbit has well and truly fucked us. Luring us down that dirty hole into an uncharted realm. No, nothing like Alice. That’s just some kiddie shit….

The man awakes. He sits up. He stands up. He stares. He glances. He smiles. He walks to the door. The man steps outside. He closes his eyes. He listens. He listens some more. And more. He opens his eyes and starts walking. And walking. And walking again. And walking again again. He stops. He observes. He gazes. He adores. He admires. He starts walking again. Walking again. And walking again, again again. He stops. He glances. Strangeness. Familiarity becomes distorted. He looks again. Where is he? How did he get there? Where is there? He starts walking again and again and again and again. He stops. He turns. He is looking. He is looking. Looking at what? He is looking at them. At them. Who is them? Them is you. And who is he? He is John and John is smiling. At you. Where is there? There is here. Here is the stage. The stage of life. The stage of mind. The stage of soul. John stares at you. John smiles. John welcomes you. John walks. John stops. He stares. Stares at you. Into your mind. Into your soul. John expects you to listen. Although you don’t have to listen. But John expects you to listen. He expects you to understand. Understand what is going on. He expects you to gain an insight. An insight into the human mind. John’s mind is an example. An example of this story. An example of depths of humanity. Now John is listening. He is intrigued. And he is smiling. Smiling at you………

In our last session, we each were tasked with performing a solo task by improvising scenarios that were given to us. At first it sounded quite nerve wracking but once we got into the moment, there are some great things that can be found within the context of the improvisation. For instance, i was asked to act as if i just woke up after a party and the house was in a complete state and my parents were going to be home in the next half hour. I used my own experience of waking up after a mad night and used it to my advantage. I also pictured myself in some sort of rush at first but then i finished it off by giving up and accepting the consequences that come to me i.e a bitch slapping from the parents!

This exercise taught me about how to find little moments within the solo performance that can be drawn from our own personalities or memories. Although my piece is initially about the combination of psychopaths and theatricality, i want to use my own everyday personality to tell this kind of story. It will be quite difficult at first, but out of that difficulty will come a piece of work that stems from the human heart.

‘There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.’  Patrick Bateman.

In today’s session, we were required to read out our build up monologues which we were asked to write from Wednesday. It was to help facilitate our opening of each of our solo piece. What was very interesting is the striking imagery that came from each monologue. It helped me have an understanding of the kind of the characteristic portrayal I want in my piece.

My initial idea is to portray a character who appears to be normal, but may in fact be a psychopath in disguise. When i mean disguise I don’t mean literal costume changes, but a person who lives among us in everyday society. a small influence i intend to use is the fictional character Patrick Bateman. I like the idea that Bateman is a man who does kill people, but it is entirely ambiguous as to whether he actually commits these acts or hes just a deluded man driven to kill in his mind. I want my character to be a sort of lunatic in a way, but a theatrical lunatic! Someone who voluntarily scares the living hell out of the audience but at the same time they find his strange persona to be darkly funny. Today we each wrote some answers to some questions that are based on the who, what, where, why, and how of the character. I deliberately made my answers quite philosophical because I want my character to have some sort of unpredictable nature about him; you don’t what to expect.

Lastly, I want to explore how the word ‘psychopath’ doesn’t have to mean a killer or bad person, but someone who can easily carry the traits of a psycho and has a fuse that can be switched in the blink of an eye if something unexplained in their life occurs…